Change Is

Worry! I see it as this little springy monster, kind of like the noid from Pizza Hut, jumping around in my head. Most of the time this little creature ventures into my subconscious when it is not occupied with other things. Idol hands, in my case, make a silent mind impossible. With 2009 already underway I can't help to wonder what this year is going to bring. In so many ways life continues to move forward but in many of the key areas of our life, it has stood stone still. It is then when I am in a state of over thinking that I realize that I have been placing too much on two key events. It has been a difficult art to not define my life by my inability to attain these things. The refining process of self discovery continues; however, I feel the tug of my heart being strapped down. This perpetual holding pattern caused by my inability to control the forces of nature. Even as things progress in our adoption, I find it difficult to accept that the dream of parenthood is actually going to happen. I keep waiting for the door to slam shut on us. This weekend we allowed ourselves to open up to the possibility. After a wonderful weekend in Arizona getting to know the amazing people that will bring us and our child together, we were able to open up. We spent the weekend removing the bricks that we have built to protect our hearts from rejection. I finally allowed myself to buy something for our child. A little stuffed tortoise. It felt amazing to embrace possibility.