Coming Up on 5 months

I think I am talking to myself but just in case someone out there is following us; I thought I would post another update.

We are quickly approaching our 5 month waiting mark. It seems we came across the perfect storm with our referral of a long waiting list and immigration issues. All in all we are expecting that our wait will continue for a few more months. We can only be getting closer. There are a lot of unknowns right now but we are still moving forward in a sitting still sort of fashion.

The wait continues

As another week fly's by I ask myself, where did we go wrong. Having spent so long trying to become a family of three has taken a toll on our hearts, our family and our friends. If I could explain the emptiness in words I would but I can't. It is like feeling perpetually misunderstood and completely numb. Sitting still is so hard to do when you feel like your alone. For now I stare at our empty nursery and hope with all the hope in my heart that our time is coming soon because I don't know how much longer my heart can take the sadness.

14 weeks

Well for all those keeping up with our adoption process, we have reached and exceeded our 3 month mark waiting for our referral. It does not look like we are going to hear anything anytime soon.

The Waiting Continues

On Monday we will reach our 11 week wait marker. It has been a very busy summer and has made the waiting process go by more quickly than I would have expected. We have tried to do small things to help remind us that we are indeed going to become parents. The nursery is starting to look like a room. Our agency has told us that the wait times are longer due to a significant increase in the numbers of families waiting for referrals. We will continue to wait patiently until our child is found. We know that it may be a long time until we meet each other but eventually we will all be together.

I think about our child every day and wonder when we will meet, who they will be and of our journey to become a family. This journey has been long and sometimes painful; however, it is said that anything worthwhile takes effort.

A Small Update

I am changing this post because I realized my dates were way off. Monday makes 6 weeks of waiting for our phone to ring. In the world of adoption time lines, this is not a long wait. Every week marks one more week closer to our referral. This is both exciting and nerve racking. I think the idea of having a child naturally brings on this sense of dread. What do I know about parenting and how the heck am I going to figure it out when they hand me that precious child. We are ready to hit the ground running;however, are trying our best to keep our nerves under wraps. It has taken us a lot to get to this point. I can't tell you how many times we felt we would never be here. Now that we are I have to admit I am a little scared. For now we wait, the rest will come when time is ready.

Some Important Notes

As our adoption process moves forward, I can't help but think about the implications of becoming a parent to a child of a different race and genetic background. Unfortunately society has many sweeping judgments about adoption and we have to face the fact that we are soon going to be members of this misunderstood community. Luckily the conversation is opening up and I am writing this to add our voice to the community. I hope and pray that by opening up this conversation we will make people think before they assume.

1. Our child has a history that began before they joined our family. They experienced a loss that is very real to their story. They lost a family,their genetic connection, their cultural identity and their history. This is not something that can be dismissed. How they cope with this loss is something that our family will deal with as our child grows. I hope we find the wisdom they need to move forward.

2. Our family will not diminish the importance of our child's birth family, EVER. I like to think of them as part of our family. I stand in awe of them and hope one day to tell them in person how much I appreciate them giving the best of themselves to us.

3. Our child is our own. Even though we struggled with infertility,adoption was never a second choice. This was not something that choose us. We choose adoption and all that comes with it. Giving birth may be the "typical" way to build a family but it is not the only or superior way. We are not going to dilute ourselves into believing that building a family through adoption is no different that having birth children. We can not parent like our child was born to us and ignore the roots that were given to them by their birth family. We are their real parents but not their only ones. We will love him/her because he/she will be our child; I don't think that requires explanation or justification.

4. OUR CHILD WAS NOT RESCUED FROM KOREA. This makes me furious. America is not the mecca of the universe. Korea is a beautiful country with a rich culture and amazing people. I miss it sometimes and am insulted that people who have never stepped foot in the country assume that it is an awful place. Even if our child was from an impoverished nation, adoption is not charity. We are building our family. I don't think adoptees need to feel as if they owe their parents something. I wish society would stop feeding this crap to society. Seriously, if people adopt to "save a poor orphan" they really should reconsider.

5. Our child is their own individual person who will be respected as such. They will see the world in their own unique way. I can't wait to get to know each other and learn from each other.

5. Our child is Korean. They are a minority in this country.They may be raised by white parents; however, this does not make them white. They are not immune to crude jokes aimed at minorities. They are aware of their "asianness". I have read many blogs from adult adoptees that speak loudly of their torn identity. They spend a lifetime struggling to find who they are. It does not help when they have a negative image of Korea or Asian culture(which is so varied that it is impossible to generalize, but I will save that for another post).

6. Our child's story is their own and not for others to know. It is their right to tell who they wish.

7. Adoptees do not owe their parents anything. This goes along with number 4. We are not angels for adopting.





I am sure I will think of other things as our journey continues. I realized after reading other blogs, it was time for me to put my two cents out there. I do think that most assumptions come from laziness. People are too lazy to listen, learn and open their minds. Our family feels very strongly about these points. We hope to raise our child with a healthy sense of self and to have respect for others. I fear society's input and know that we can only do so much. Maybe this is my attempt to put it out there, hoping it will open up the conversation.

Summer is here

Oh how this title brings a smile to my face. The past few months have been hectic. We finished up school, moved and finished our home study this month. Talk about being torn in multiple directions, whew. Now we prepare for a summer filled with home prep and waiting for our referral. So this is all we have going on right now.

Change Is

Worry! I see it as this little springy monster, kind of like the noid from Pizza Hut, jumping around in my head. Most of the time this little creature ventures into my subconscious when it is not occupied with other things. Idol hands, in my case, make a silent mind impossible. With 2009 already underway I can't help to wonder what this year is going to bring. In so many ways life continues to move forward but in many of the key areas of our life, it has stood stone still. It is then when I am in a state of over thinking that I realize that I have been placing too much on two key events. It has been a difficult art to not define my life by my inability to attain these things. The refining process of self discovery continues; however, I feel the tug of my heart being strapped down. This perpetual holding pattern caused by my inability to control the forces of nature. Even as things progress in our adoption, I find it difficult to accept that the dream of parenthood is actually going to happen. I keep waiting for the door to slam shut on us. This weekend we allowed ourselves to open up to the possibility. After a wonderful weekend in Arizona getting to know the amazing people that will bring us and our child together, we were able to open up. We spent the weekend removing the bricks that we have built to protect our hearts from rejection. I finally allowed myself to buy something for our child. A little stuffed tortoise. It felt amazing to embrace possibility.

Where our little love is coming from

I was feeling sentimental and thought I would share some of our pictures from Korea. I can't help but reflect, especially when I think that this is where our baby is going to be born.